Support vs. The Gollum Effect: Why What Others Say About You Matters

Let me get right to it: how people treat you can make or break your health. At The Fox Den, we’ve seen it thousands of times.

Positive support? It’s like throwing petrol on a bonfire. You feel seen, capable, relevant—and suddenly hitting goals doesn’t feel like a job, it feels like proof. People lose weight, smash training, and smile a bit more. Their self-esteem goes up. They move better, they rest better, they live better.

Zero support—or worse, the Gollum Effect? You get ignored, told your efforts are trash, made to feel worthless… and you fall apart mentally. Physically, that shows up as stress, poor sleep, bad food choices… a downward spiral if not stopped.

It’s all about the Science, and the Science Backs It

Support improves health outcomes. A 2-year study of workers found that when friends and coworkers backed healthy eating, and families backed physical activity, people lost weight. On the flip side, family undermining healthy eating led to weight gain over time.

Support fights depression and improves recovery. Those with better perceived social support recover faster from depression and anxiety. Feeling connected isn’t just warm and fuzzy—it’s protective.

Loneliness kills. It increases the risk of heart disease, stroke, poor sleep, cognitive decline—you name it. It’s literally a silent killer.

Feeling supported lifts self-esteem—and self-esteem drives health. A study with students showed that awareness of health boosted self-esteem, which in turn boosted perceived support, leading to healthier lifestyles.

And when you get warm support whether it’s face-to-face or online, people who get encouragement lose an average of 9 pounds more than people who get silence.

Positive Support: The Health Game-Changer

Here’s what it looks like:

• Noticed for your good work. Someone says, “You’re doing well.” That adds confidence.
• Held accountable but in the right way. Feedback delivered without making you feel like a twat means you’re more likely to take it on rather than shut down.
• Valued as a human. You matter. Not just to the goals you smash, but because you show up and, as a human, you make a difference.

These things transform habits. You stick with training longer, eat better and more consistently, rest properly, and stress less. It’s subtle, but it’s powerful—and it compounds.

The Gollum Effect: When Support Turns Toxic

On the other side? It’s mental slow torture.

• Ignored. You feel invisible. Efforts mean nothing. Motivation fades.
• Belittled. You’re told you’re shit at training. Your food choices mocked. You feel ashamed. You avoid coming back.
• Worthless. Reminded that you’re not good enough. That you’ll never change. That just kills self-worth.

That’s the Gollum Effect. It’s damaging, insidious, and ruins health.

The Fox Den Difference: Keep It Small, Keep It Human

Here, we keep groups small. Why? So we can catch the people who need a reminder, or the person teetering on the edge. We know when someone needs an arm around them or when someone needs that little bit of a boost.

We can say:

“You’re doing well.”
“You ok?”
“I noticed this isn’t quite working today, so let’s tweak this.”

This approach doesn’t just build better bodies; it builds better humans. More resilient. More open. More alive.

Want to Actually Feel Better?

If you don’t feel supported, the best place to start is to start supporting others. Look for a place or people who notice you. That’s where the magic starts.

You deserve to:

• Feel worth more than the usual bullshit
• Realize you can do more than you think
• Be lifted, not let down

If you get some of that—and then pass it on—you start a chain reaction that raises everyone up. That’s what real health, real community, and real change look like.