Let’s have it right: the world of nutrition has gone completely tits-up and has been for a while, but it is being highlighted right now with the whole Joe Wicks protein bar stuff, now, I’m not going to go into whether the Fitness Jesus is a complete bellend or just really badly advised, there has been enough of that over the socials recently, but I do want to go into why things like this and demonising food types isn’t a brilliant idea.

One minute, it’s “don’t eat bread unless it’s hand-kneaded by a yoga-practising monk,” the next it’s “UPFs are the devil and will give you cancer, diarrhoea, and possibly summon Satan into your digestive tract.”

Can we all just Calm. The. Fuck. Down.

This weird obsession with demonising food has got to stop. Not only is it unnecessary, it’s actively making things worse — for your mindset, your relationship with food, and your ability to just crack on and eat like a normal functioning human being.

Yes, we all know that ultra-processed foods (UPFs) aren’t ideal. They’re not nutrient powerhouses. Nobody’s arguing that a Greggs sausage roll has the same benefits as salmon and kale. But that doesn’t mean they’re evil. It doesn’t mean eating one is going to melt your insides, completely unbalance your chakras, and give you instant diabetes.

Let’s be realistic: most of us aren’t out here raising chickens in the garden, growing our own rice, or foraging for mushrooms on a mountaintop while Janet from the local co-op sings lullabies to her lettuce patch. Life’s messy, busy, and chaotic — and sometimes that means grabbing a protein bar, chucking in a microwave meal, or smashing a KitKat during a stressful Thursday afternoon.

And guess what? That’s perfectly fine.

The Real Issue: It’s Not One Meal. It’s the Pattern.

Eating one bar of chocolate doesn’t make you unhealthy — the same way drinking one G&T doesn’t make you an alcoholic. It’s the overconsumption, the constant reliance, the everything-is-fine-as-long-as-I’m-in-a-calorie-deficit mindset that can cause issues.

You know what else makes people unhealthy? Stress. Obsession. Guilt. That “oh shit, I’ve had a biscuit, I’ve ruined everything, might as well eat like an twat for the rest of the week” mentality.

THAT’S the problem.

The moment you label something as “bad,” your brain turns it into forbidden fruit. It suddenly becomes 10 times more appealing, 100 times more guilt-inducing, and one step closer to a binge spiral that could’ve been avoided if you’d just had the bloody biscuit in peace and moved on with your life.

But What About Ultra-Processed Foods?

Look, we’re not saying UPFs are the holy grail of nutrition. You’re not getting the same fibre, micronutrients, or satiety levels as you would from whole foods. That’s just facts.

But let’s also not pretend that having a protein bar now and then is the same as injecting molten lava into your veins.

Do UPFs make up too much of people’s diets? Yep. Should we be mindful of that? Absolutely.

But there’s a massive difference between:

Eating nothing but beige freezer food and wondering why you feel like a balloon animal made by someone that hasn’t got a fucking clue.

…and…

Eating mostly whole foods while occasionally including something that came in a shiny packet because you’re human and it’s 2025 and life happens.

Balance. Moderation. Context. The usual stuff nobody finds sexy because it doesn’t sell headlines, start Twitter rows, or help influencers flog their new crystal-charged supplement powder.

UPFs Have Their Place — Yes, Even That Protein Bar

Let’s talk convenience.

If you’re a busy parent, on shift work, training like you are trying to save your own life, or just navigating adult life with some sanity left, UPFs can actually be helpful. That protein bar in your glovebox might stop you from losing your marbles and hoovering down three jam donuts later. That microwave pouch of grains and beans might be the difference between eating something and skipping a meal altogether.

It’s not perfect. But it’s real life.

Stop expecting perfection. You’re not a wellness robot. And if someone’s trying to sell you that fantasy — especially by demonising every food with more than three ingredients — they’re probably trying to flog you something.

Spoiler: it’s usually expensive, heavily branded, and comes with a smug Instagram reel.

One Cigarette Won’t Kill You. Neither Will One Mars Bar.

We don’t hand out liver disease diagnoses to people who have one drink on the weekend. We don’t diagnose lung cancer because you once got peer-pressured into a ciggie at your mate’s 30th.

So why are we treating food the same way?

Having one UPF doesn’t destroy your gut. It doesn’t derail your hormones. And it definitely doesn’t cancel out the other 25 meals you ate that week that were full of veg, lean protein, and slow-digesting carbs.

If you’ve ever felt like one bar of chocolate, one takeaway, or one ready meal “ruined everything” — let this be your official notice to stop. It didn’t.

Don’t Be a Dick About Food

Stop moralising food like it’s a bloody religion.

Eat mostly whole foods — because they’re good for you. Throw in a few UPFs when they make your life easier — because you’re human. Be consistent, not obsessive. And stop listening to the loudest online voices who are more interested in controversy than actual health outcomes.

Eat well. Move your body. Enjoy your bloody life.

And for the love of Rum, stop being pricks about food.