The Rules of Scary Movies – and How They Apply to Your Fitness Journey

You may be aware that I kinda like a good horror or indeed a bad horror but this already comes with a Spoiler alert: you’re probably the one walking into the basement without a plan.

If you’ve ever yelled at your screen during a horror film—“DON’T GO IN THERE YOU Twat!”—then congratulations, you already understand some of the basic rules of survival. Funny thing is, those same rules apply when you’re trying to survive another kind of horror story: your own fitness journey.

Let’s break it down. If your health and fitness efforts feel like something out of The Blair Witch Project—confusing, chaotic, and mostly you crying in the woods—it’s probably because you’re ignoring the unspoken rules. Let’s fix that.

Rule 1: Don’t Split Up

In scary movies, as soon as the group splits up, someone gets fucked. The same goes for fitness: go it alone and you’re asking for trouble.

Accountability is everything. Whether it’s a coach, a gym buddy, or your group class at Fox Den, being part of a community makes a massive difference. You’ll push harder, show up more, and cry a little less (probably).

Fitness takeaway: Stop ghosting your sessions and thinking you can wing it. Surround yourself with the right people, and don’t go solo in the woods… or the gym.

Rule 2: Don’t Ignore the Creepy Signs

In horror films, there’s always a sign. The creepy diary. The forbidden forest. The “GET OUT” written in blood. But does anyone listen? Of course not.

In fitness, these signs are:

• That niggle in your shoulder you’ve been ignoring for 6 months
• The fact you’re shattered all the time but still doing 2-a-days
• Eating like a raccoon and wondering why you’re not losing weight

Fitness takeaway: If your body is waving red flags, don’t just mutter “that’s weird” and keep going. Listen. Adjust. Get help before it turns into a full-blown possession… or injury.

Rule 3: The Killer Is Usually Someone You Know

Plot twist: the thing sabotaging your progress? It’s usually you.

Yeah, I said it. It’s the choices you make. It’s the all-or-nothing mindset. It’s bingeing a week’s worth of calories on Saturday night because “you earned it.” It’s doing random influencer workouts and wondering why your knees hate you.

Fitness takeaway: Stop looking for external villains. Take responsibility. You’re not cursed—you just need a plan that actually makes sense for your goals, your life, and your limitations.

Rule 4: Never Say “I’ll Be Right Back”

Ah, the classic. As soon as someone says “I’ll be right back,” they are not coming back. In fitness terms, this is the person who goes on a two-week “break” from training and never returns.

“I’ll start again Monday.”
“I’ll get back to it after the holiday.”
“I just need to sort my life out first.”

Sound familiar?

Fitness takeaway: The longer you ghost your goals, the harder it gets to come back. Don’t wait for the perfect moment—it doesn’t exist. Start now. Keep showing up, even if it’s messy. Especially if it’s messy.

Rule 5: The Final Girl Survives Because She Adapts

You know the one. She runs when she needs to. She hides. She fights. She gets creative with whatever she’s got. She’s not always the fittest, strongest, or most prepared—but she adapts.

Fitness isn’t about perfection. It’s about persistence and adaptability. Life will throw crap at you—illness, injuries, work stress, sleep-deprived zombie toddler weeks—but the ones who make it? They adjust, not abandon ship.

Fitness takeaway: Be the final girl. Pivot. Don’t quit. And maybe don’t try to back squat your max when you’ve slept for 3 hours and eaten nothing but a protein bar and rage.

Rule 6: Don’t Be the Dick Who Opens the Basement Door

In every horror movie, there’s a door. A weird sound. A trapdoor to hell. And some absolute bellend decides to open it without backup or a clue.

In fitness, this is:

• Jumping on extreme diets with zero idea of what you’re doing
• Signing up for a marathon with no training
• Trying “what worked for your mate” even though your life looks nothing like theirs

Fitness takeaway: Don’t open metaphorical basement doors without a solid plan. Work with someone who knows what they’re doing (hi, that’s me), and stop expecting miracles from quick fixes and TikTok hacks.

In Conclusion:

Fitness doesn’t have to be a horror story, but if it feels like one—it’s time to learn the rules, stop doing dumb shit, and write a better ending.

Survive and thrive by:

• Building your support team
• Listening to your body’s warning signs
• Taking ownership of your decisions
• Staying consistent
• Adapting when needed
• Avoiding fad traps and miracle promises

And remember: just like in the movies, the smart ones survive. So grab your metaphorical torch, stick with the group, and don’t even think about going into that creepy gym corner alone.